It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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