i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
