Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
