why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
