we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Can I color on your dick again?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
