YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
