Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
