Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
