I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
