there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
