He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
