The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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