You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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