I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
