wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
