Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
