it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
