i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
