On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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