Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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