I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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