she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
