Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
His hands were made for my vagina.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
