Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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