Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
