Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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