Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
