You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
FUCK WHALES
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
