Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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