I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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