Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
