Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
