Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
