if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
