plz talk dirty to me
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
last night I used snow as a chaser
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