Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
