there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
is wine microwaveable?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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