we're chasing vodka with high fives
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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