but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
