Can Purell be used as lube?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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