i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
