He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
