I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
