This girl is more easily done than said...
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
