Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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