You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
