people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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