If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
