I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
