Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
