Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
